August 3, 2010.
That is the date of my last post on this blog.
I count off the months on my fingers. 8. Eight months. In my world, 8 months is a lifetime.
Since my last post, I've picked up a second job, gotten divorced, sold my house, moved, met a man, fell in love, got engaged ... learned a LOT. Learned more than I think I've learned in my entire 37 years to date. Also, UNlearned much of what I've learned in the past 37 years ... and am still learning. Lotsa learning and unlearning going on.
When I logged on here tonight, I wasn't sure what would happen when I put my fingers to the keyboard. I've MISSED this. ALOT!!! I've been a little afraid to resume for fear that I'd sit in front of the screen ... and nothing would happen.
Apparently, that is not the case.
Lately, I've been grieving all sorts of things. I very much grieve for the time that I no longer get with my sons. I have my boys under my roof just 50% of the time. From 100% to 50%. I've gone from having tabs on them 24/7 to having them 1/2 time ... and 1/2 of the 1/2 time, I am distracted by the responsibilities associated with the two jobs that I am juggling. I am grieving that I no longer tuck my boys in every night ... that I no longer see them off to school every day ... that I no longer find time to eat lunch with them at school ... that I no longer know all their friends. I miss them.
I am grieving regular time with my closest friends who are still stay-at-home mamas, still able to connect with one another ... I miss the flexibility I used to have - I miss the TIME I used to have. I miss having friends over for coffee or for bible study. I miss being available to minister to my friends ... or to anyone for that matter.
I miss my old neighborhood where my son's best friend lived next door and spent nearly as much time in our living room as he did in hers. Back and forth. Revolving door.
I miss blogging and ministering to women. God put these two in my heart - to encourage and inspire other women ... and to write. I'm not the most inspirational person you'll EVER meet ... and not the best writer you'll EVER read - but, nonetheless, I know that I know that I know that these are areas that God wants to use me.
And that is why I am here tonight at my desk.
Feeling the grief wash over me tonight, I turned to the Lord in prayer ... and was reminded that I've NOT been obedient to His nudges these past few months. Thrice in the past couple months, women have contacted me seemingly out of the blue to tell me that my blog is so inspiring to them. Truly ... out of the blue! I haven't blogged since ... August 3! Eight months!!! In my mind, "out of the blue" contacts = God nudges ... reminders that He has something for me to do besides working 2 jobs, raising 2 kids, nurturing a new relationship, caring for a home and a dog ... He has given me a special assignment.
I've used all sorts of excuses to not post anything.
Well, okay ... just one excuse actually.
Its a good one. Right? Who's gonna argue with that ... I've got the endless lists to prove it. I AM busy ... but is that an excuse for avoiding what God's asking me to do?
So ... in spite of the fact that I'm beat and need to crawl off to bed here sooner rather than later ... I am obediently typing out whatever comes to my mind ... and praying that God will bless my efforts. I pray that as I type, the sweet odor of "offering" rises from the keyboard.
God, this is for you.
I love you.
"If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land."
~ Isaiah 1:19
Looking forward to the feast,