"not me" Gains a Little Something ...

I am SO happy to report that it is completely NOT ME that gained 5 pounds over the holidays!!! After all - LAST spring, I lost 25 pounds (truly - see here?!), so I'd surely not have thrown caution to the wind and sampled devoured every bonbon, chocolate-covered Ritz, Russion teacake, buttered/sugared lefse, toasted/salted nut ... and on and on ... that made its way into my line of vision. 
Blech!

AND - BTW, it was NOT ME who avoided the scale ALL holiday season because I was in denial ... and liked it!  No, not me!  I like to confront reality head on ... so that I can pull my head out of the sand and deal with the issues pounds at hand.

And, oh - tee hee - it was NOT ME who went through the trouble of removing my glasses when finally stepping gingerly onto said scale ... because clearly they would not add untold and significant numbers to the reading on the scale.

And THEN, it was NOT ME who went to the further trouble of weighing my glasses just to confirm to myself how neurotic I can be (I so don't need proof of that!).

And, of course, if I had gone to the trouble of weighing my glasses - I would not have photographed the whole neurotic thing ... and then blogged about it ... NOT ME!  And - please note that IF it had been me, my neurosis would have been SO validated ...

                                        

A whole (gasp) 1/2 an ounce!!!

So, what have YOU not been up to this week?!

If you'd like to share (or just find out what the rest of the world has NOT done) - head over to MckMama's "Not Me Monday"  - and link up or just read away, savoring the fact that you would SO not do any of the NOT ME stories painted over there!

 

"Not Me" Goes Home for the Holidays!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama.

Head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I missed "not me" Monday last Monday because I was trekking across the state of Minnesota from my home in Wisconsin to visit my Mom and Dad on the farm I've called home for all my life (even now - I've been out of the house since 18 ... uh, that would be 17 YEARS - and I still say that I'm "going home" when I head to the farm!)

Ye Old Farmhouse - Herman, MN.

Anyhooooow ... I may not have been writing a "not me" Monday last Monday, but I was living one - that's for sure!!!

On this particular trip, the main characters are me ... I mean "not me", my 2 boy-ohs (TJ and XL), and my 2 doggies (Kota and Henry) - Jay was working all week, so we left my big, strong helper man behind.

The plan was to leave NO LATER than noon for the 4-hour trip, so it was "not me" who left an hour behind schedule - NO WAY ... I am ALWAYS on time (stop laughing, those who know "not me").

But if I had left an hour late, I would have surely buckled down and promptly arrived at the farm at 4pm ... yes, I would have ... so it was "NOT me" that rolled into the farm driveway at 7:30pm!!! 

It was "not me" who stopped at the outlet center 1/2-way for an HOUR and a HALF ... nuh-uh, I would not have done that ... I would have taken a quick 15-minute break and been on my way. 

It was "not me" who exited the car at said outlet center to discover that 1st-time traveler, Henry had gotten sick ALL over his kennel.  It was "not me" in the Burger King parking lot, removing dogs from kennels and handing leashes to boys, and yelling (yes, yelling), "BOYS!!!  Walk the dogs!  I've gotta clean out this stinky kennel!"    It was "not me" banging the dog kennel upside down in the snow - and it was "not me" wiping said kennel out with leftover fast food napkins and kleenexes.  Ugh!!!  Thank goodness, that was "NOT ME"!!!

But if it had been, I would surely have noted the lost time ... and hustled everyone back into the car for the drive ahead ... so it was "not me" who sat and had a coffee in BK while the boy-ohs played ... and it was "not me" who proceeded from BK to the furniture outlet, the Puma store, and the Claiborne store.  What kind of crazy choice would that be?!  Time's a tickin'!!!

But, if it had been me, then I would have beat a path straight to the farmhouse door!  So, it was "not me" who just ONE HOUR later, parked the salt-covered Suburban laden with boys, dogs, overnight bags, pillows, gifts ... and perhaps even the proverbial kitchen sink ... at the Target in Alexandria.

Of course, if it had been me, I would have just grabbed Dramamine (for Henry) and run straight back to the Sub.  I would NOT have wandered about for 20 minutes gathering additional groceries to share with Mom and Dad (although that would have been nice of me ...) before returning to the vehicle which was still running (but locked) with the dogs and boys inside.  No ... I would have been quick, quick, quick!!!

And because I would have been so quick, quick, quick, - it was "not me" who came back to the sub to discover that my 8-year-old had peed in a large McDonald's cup because he couldn't wait any longer for Mom to come back! 

But, IF that had happened, you would not have seen me toss the contents of the cup onto the snow-packed parking lot.  How gross!  No, I would have ... ummmmm ... well, I don't know WHAT I would have done, but it would not have been that!!!

After all this, of course, I went straight home where Mom and Dad were waiting for us with home-made scalloped potatoes and baked beans (the best EVER!!).  I'd have had no further problems, because ... really, what was left to go wrong?!?

Nothing, right?

So, because nothing else could go wrong, it was "not me" who (just 1/2 mile before the farm drive) slipped right into the snowy ditch and wedged my Sub into the snow bank right up to the headlights!  Ach!!  "Not me!"  I could not have handled one more thing ... so, SO GLAD that was "NOT ME"!

But, if it had been, I'd have called my Dad who would have called my Brother who would have driven from his home (1 short mile away) with his big old pick-up truck and towing rope ... and pulled me out ... and then, we'd all have FINALLY arrived at our destination.

HOME at last!

And ... of course ... if this whole story had been true ... I'd not have blogged about it all - or even have thought, "Cool!  Great "Not Me" Material!"

How ridiculous!  ;-)

Grandma Gay and Tobey - AT the farm!

Grandpa Gordon and Xander - AT the farm!

"Not Me" Goes to Preschool

 

 
 

Welcome to Not Me! Monday!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama.
Head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, my material for "Not Me! Monday!" was given to me just this morning!  (How handy!)

 
This morning, "not me" loaded up the car with all the preschool/day care necessities - folder, sleeping bag, hats, gloves, snowpants, boots, Preschooler - and pulled out of the driveway just like every other Monday morning for the past year (just celebrated one year of working part-time outside of the home!).
 
Just like every other Monday, "not me" drove down the street out of her neighborhood - and then, NOT like every other Monday, "not me" turned right instead of left and drove 5 blocks before - "Oh my word, Preschooler!  Where are we going?!"
 
Aye-yi-yi! 
 
That was SO "not me"! 
 
(And poor Preschooler must be taking after "not me" because nothing struck him as odd about the right vs. left turn either!)
 

Ms. Laura and Preschooler on first day of Preschool when "not me" was actually fully cognizant of where she was going - and turned left!

"Not my" Dog, Henry

Welcome to Not Me! Monday!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

 

This "not me" Monday is all about "not my" dog.

Our family recently adopted Henry, a little mutt (we're guessing Patterdale terrier/dachshund mix?) to fill the position left in our home when our 4-legged friend, Sophie, passed away.

I must first confess to you that I have been prideful.  Yes.  It's true.  The now-deceased Sophie and her 4-legged house sister, Kota, have been well-trained little ladies.  And so, I confess to you that when I see the neighbors' dogs running about the neighborhood like little maniacs with no manners, I have (on occasion) thought to myself, "Ha!  Clearly those neighbors know nothing about dogs ... unlike my superior self."  (Hope you're not reading this, neighbors, but if you are ... you're about to see that I get mine - my fall, if you will.  But, of course, you already know that.  Except ... ahem ... this is "not me.")

Anyway, because I am the proud owner of well-behaved dogs, it was "not me" that you saw standing on "not my" front porch every other day for the past 2 weeks - at random times of day, sometimes early morning, sometimes mid-day, sometimes the dark of night - calling "Henry!  Henry!  HENRY!"  Nope that was not me. 

But if it had been, I would surely not have been embarrassed - and hoping desperately that my first quiet little "Henry!s" would bring "not my" dog racing back to "not my" porch.

But if I had called softly (so as not to disturb the peace of my nice little neighborhood), "Henry!" - he would surely have responded, so then it was "not me" that you heard shouting at not-quite-the-top-of-my-lungs (wouldn't want to draw undue attention) Henry's name over and over as I walked first around my house, then around the cul-de-sac, and finally down our street, looking here and there as if Henry were going to appear at any second.

Not me.

But if I had, then surely Henry would have appeared and run straight to his beloved perfect-dog-owner, me ... so it would not have been me that you saw spy "not my" dog, call "not his" name, only to be dodged at every overture.  As if!  As if he didn't want "not me" to scoop him up in "not my" capable hands and cover "not my" face with "not his" overjoyed kisses!  Ugh!

Not me.

But if it had been ... you would not have seen "not my" kids join in the ridiculous parade through the neighborhood back yards - calling, shouting, dancing and prancing through dormant gardens and around frost-covered decks.  Oh my word!!!  Not me!  Not my kids!  And NOT MY DOG!!!

No way, Jose'!

Whew!  So glad I have perfectly well-behaved dogs and maintain a perfectly respectable household.

Not like "not me"!

My perfectly well-behaved Henry.

"not me" Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

 

Today is "not me" Monday - and I've such a wealth of "not me" moments, that I'm not even sure where to start!  Or which to share!

I'll start with Saturday.  I attended CCN's Focus on Parenting simulcast event this weekend.  (It was fabulous!  I'll blog more on that later.)  I was there and it was wonderful, BUT it was "not me" that slipped into the bathroom stall during our break with my coffee in hand.  No, I would never do that!  How unsanitary!  And so, it was certainly "not me" who set the coffee on the back of the toilet, and it was absolutely NOT, (no way) "not my" stall from which you heard a loud Clink, Clang, Splash!!! as the "not my" coffee mug (because I would certainly have left it out on the sink or in a friend's hand or something WAY more acceptable!) fell into the unflushed toilet!  How horrifying!  No, "not me"!  Who would do such a thing?  And, then it was "not me" who laughed robustly and announced loudly for ALL the bathroom to hear, "Oh my goodness!  My coffee is in the toilet!"  What vulgarity!  And, then ... of course ... it was SO not me who fished the cup from the toilet, flushed, gingerly carried the offensive thing to the sink, rinsed it off, and stuffed it in my carry-along bag.  No way, Jose'!  "NOT ME"!

And, oh, I could tell you about last night at the ice rink ... but of course, I wasn't there.  I can tell you, however, that it was "not me" who gathered my family together on skates for a family photo courtesy of "not my" friend, Dawn.  And because I was not there, it was "not me" who insisted that we all pose in spite of the fact that "not my" child was whining and shaking his head, "nooooOOOH" while skating off in the other direction.  It was "not me" who ignored my husband's, "It's okay, honey.  Let it go!"  No, I would have heard his suggestion, respected it, and "let it go".  So, then ... OF COURSE ... it was "not me" who grabbed "not my" whiny son and hoisted him onto "not my" hip ... in skates ... because I would know that this is pure foolishness!  An ice dancer, I am not!  So, to hoist a wiggly 5-year-old up in the air - and expect that all would go well ... WELL, I am WAY wiser than that!  So, when you look at the following photo, that is SO "NOT ME"! 

"not me" on the ice!

"not me",